Sander-Consulting · Leadership & ChangeINFICON GmbH · Cologne
For Leaders
The Appraisal Conversation.
Clear on substance,
appreciative in tone.
This guide accompanies you from the workshop into your ERA appraisal conversations.
It contains no stock phrases – your words remain yours. It offers structure, warning signs and
something to hold on to for the moments when the conversation gets hard.
01Conversation Compass
The four phases and the four stumbling blocks – one card that sits next to your notes during the conversation
02Tip Cards
Eight cards for exceptional moments and the minute just before
The Principle
Employees do not have to agree with a performance assessment. They should be able to understand
the standards by which their performance was assessed – and what expectations apply to them going forward.
The Appraisal Conversation · Conversation Compass01
The Conversation Compass
For double-sided printing as a card: the four phases on the front, the four stumbling blocks
on the back. The card sits next to your notes during the conversation.
Front — the four phases
The conversation in four phases
Structure creates confidence
Open & deliver1
The result is spoken – in your words.
- Get to the result within the first minutes
- No preamble that postpones the message
- They already know the result on paper – you give it your voice
Receive the reaction2
The reaction gets room – the assessment is not up for negotiation.
- Hold pauses, don't fill them
- Taking someone seriously means naming, not giving in
- Only once the wave has passed will context be heard
Anchor it to the standard3
They can follow how the assessment came about.
- Examples along the four assessment criteria – where you have them
- Otherwise: your assessment mandate and your standard
- Explaining is not proving
Give orientation4
Clarity about what will be measured going forward.
- Make expectations concrete
- Schedule an interim check-in
- No promises about future assessments
Back — the four stumbling blocks
How you notice you're stumbling
Warning sign & counter-move
Justifying
Warning sign
You hear yourself collecting evidence.
Counter-move
Back to your mandate: you assess because it is your job – not because you have to prove it.
Getting drawn into comparisons
Warning sign
Colleagues' names start coming up.
Counter-move
What is assessed is individual performance against the standard – not against the person at the next desk.
Promising
Warning sign
You begin a sentence with "If you …, then the assessment will …".
Counter-move
Expectations yes, guaranteed outcomes no. The next assessment will be made fresh.
Softening
Warning sign
The other person looks relieved although the message is hard.
Counter-move
One sentence of plain language is more respectful than three paragraphs of fog.
The Appraisal Conversation · Tip Cards for Exceptional Moments02
When the conversation goes off the rails
Eight cards to cut out. Not recipes – something to hold on to: what is happening right now,
what helps, and what you can spare yourself.
Exceptional moment1 / 8
Tears
The reaction is real. It is not an argument against the assessment.
What helps now
- Allow the pause – tears need time, not commentary
- Name that this is hard right now, without touching the assessment
- Offer a short break – and finish the conversation afterwards
What you can spare yourself
- Comforting with concessions
- Relativizing the assessment to make it stop
Exceptional moment2 / 8
Anger & attack
The attack is aimed at your role – even when it sounds personal.
What helps now
- Slow down, lower your voice – your calm leads the conversation
- Acknowledge the anger, stay on substance
- Draw a line at disrespect; adjourn if you have to
What you can spare yourself
- Firing back or turning ironic
- Letting yourself be pulled into the defense
Exceptional moment3 / 8
Silence
Silence is usually processing – neither agreement nor attack.
What helps now
- Hold the silence – it is working for the conversation
- After a real pause, offer an open question
- Close clearly, even if little comes back
What you can spare yourself
- Filling the silence with justifications
- Prodding until some reaction finally comes
Exceptional moment4 / 8
The discussion loop
The third counter-example is not a new argument. It is a loop.
What helps now
- Recognize the pattern and name the loop
- Return to the level of the standard – not the level of the example
- Let the difference stand: agreement is not the goal
What you can spare yourself
- Refuting every argument one by one
- Hunting for the best counter-example – you will not win this duel
The Appraisal Conversation · Tip Cards for Exceptional Moments02
Exceptional moment5 / 8
Closeness & sympathy
You have known each other for years. The private situation is hard. And the assessment is still right.
What helps now
- Hat technique: speak consciously in your role as the leader
- Acknowledge the person's situation – let the assessment stand
- Know this: clarity can strain the relationship. Ambiguity strains it more later.
What you can spare yourself
- Adjusting the assessment out of sympathy
- Mixed messages – hard on paper, soft in tone
Exceptional moment6 / 8
Your own tension
Tension before conversations like this is normal. It is not a sign that the message is wrong.
What helps now
- Speak more slowly, breathe deeper – the body leads the voice
- Feet on the floor, feel the contact
- Pauses are your tool, not your enemy
What you can spare yourself
- Speeding up to get it over with
- Talking the tension away – use it as concentration
Before the conversation7 / 8
Three minutes before
The small routine before every door.
- Look at your preparation sheet: is my core message a single sentence?
- Which of the four stumbling blocks threatens me with this person?
- Breathe calmly three times. Put on the hat. Open the door.
The card for your breast pocket8 / 8
The Principle
Employees do not have to agree with a performance assessment. They should be able to understand
the standards by which their performance was assessed – and what expectations apply going forward.
Understanding is the goal. Agreement is voluntary.